Searching for stars

[Simone]

"Doesn't seem very good for my back either. No, I'll leave that one to my classmates."
And so she ended the discussion of sexist professors.
"Sure." Sitting down, she turned her attention to him rather than her surroundings.
"Since you're still stressed out, I assume that means none of the applicants has been up to standards still?"

[Balthazar]

He smiled as she guessed right, and sat down beside her.
"Yep, still no-one good enough. I guess I'll end up with a crappy band."
He was about to keep on talking, but figured she had no real interest in hearing about his failing auditions, again, so he shut up.

[Simone]

"Giving up probably isn't going to get you a great band, no."
He really had an ability to clam up, this man.
"You can continue, I don't mind."

[Balthazar]

"I won't give up! I will find someone."
He nodded to himself, but did not continue, even though Simone said she didn't mind. He smelled the roses and sighed. When Simone didn't say anything, Balthazar hesitated, but decided that he could trust her, and said:
"I'm thinking of letting Leo and Jean join again."

[Simone]

She looked a bit surprised. "I didn't realize that it was an option."
Simone did however decide that she should probably try and be more of a supporting friend to the man in front of her than a perplexed old fan to his band.
"But you're hesitant to?"

[Balthazar]

"They came to see me, and I must say that I'm seriously thinking about it. But..."
It felt wrong sitting here talking about this to an old fan, and Balthazar wondered if he had made a mistake, but at the same time, if felt good, and he needed to get someone else's view on it. But how would be explain that he didn't really trust Leo?
"...I can't really be sure it doesn't end like it did before."

[Simone]

"Well... Since I don't know them or what happened it's hard for me to know. Have you discussed this with them?"
She assumed it was something bad enough for them to know what they did at least.

[Balthazar]

Balthazar rolled his eyes.
"I've tried to discuss it with Leo. But he's not the easiest to discuss with. And Jean's just..."
He wrinkled his forehead, and thought about Jean.
"I donnu."
Was all he could answer to that.

[Simone]

"Jean's just what?"
She decided it wasn't really important and continued whether or not she got an answer.
"Well, in whichever case it's a calculated risk, right? Maybe you just have to decide if having them with you is worth the possibility of it not working out."

[Balthazar]

Balthazar held his breath as he tried to find the right word, and said it with a sigh when he found it. Or what was closest to it anyway.
"Ambivalent."
He thought about what she said, although he had been thinking the same thing many times before, but just nodded as a response.

[Simone]

"You don't have to answer to this... But how big a problem would it be if they repeated what they did last time?"

[Balthazar]

Balthazar began laughing nervously and shaking his head.
"It would be pretty bad."
If it were to happen again, and it would be with an even worse outcome, he did not know if he could ever forgive himself. Well, he probably could. In about a hundred years or so. And now that he thought of it that way, he became even more unsure of what to do.

[Simone]

"Bad in a more bad way than that you could possibly handle it because it's happened before?"
Simone asked gently, finally putting a hand on his shoulder in a try to support him.

[Balthazar]

Balthazar did not appreciate the hand on his shoulder, but let it be.
"Yeah, something like that, I guess."
He felt they were going down a dreary path, and tried to change subject.
"But I'll figure it out. So... You like the garden?"
That was the best he could come up with.

[Simone]

She assumed that he wanted to change the subject, and retracted her hand.
"Yea, I do. Never really thought about visiting at night, but I'm happy I did."